Focused, Breathing and Squeezing Against the Pain: Redwood City, CA, July 22, 1969

You are examined by a doctor and rolled into a dark room about the size of a long toilet stall. It is good to be alone, concentrating and hoping like crazy during the contractions to help the baby into this world. You begin to hear screams and realize there are other women lying in the dark cubbies. These others are screaming, in uniquely different ways. Birthing was hard work and unbelievably painful, unimaginable really, until you are in its midst. You lay on your narrow bed, breathing yourself ready for the contraction, sorry that you don't know more about how to do this. You aren't exactly writhing in pain, but it is impossible to find a comfortable position. When the contractions start it's a big piece of work to stay focused and breathing and squeezing against the pain. Soon, that is all you are thinking about with the exception of wondering why those girls were screaming so hard, it was embarrassing. 

You are taken to a brightly lit room where your feet are placed in cold metal stirrups, knees up, sheets across them. All you see is a round institutional clock, straight ahead, like a moon topped snowy mountain. You quickly figure that if that was all you were going to be able to see, it was suitable, calming even. Soon enough, someone is giving you an episiotomy! No one said a word, not one you could hear anyway. Nobody felt an obligation to explain themselves. A shame, but you don't worry about that stinging pain for long because the worst pain ever, followed by an entirely new kind of pain arose, stabbing you right where the baby'd find its way out. Holy shit, really, such upheaval, your body has never done anything like this before. You have no time to ponder as you quickly feel as though your entire insides are insisting on expulsion. As the baby's head began to push its way through, you got it, you knew this feeling and endeavored right away to make the most giant poop of your entire life. 

It's a girl! Oh, how you'd hoped it would be a girl! Of course you said you'd be happy with any healthy baby, but you wanted a girl, David wanted a boy. Miraculously, through all that birthing business, the sheets are still over your knees hiding everything from your view but the time, black arrow tipped hands point to 10:38 on this fine morning. You'd seen it a million times in the movies, so you know exactly what happens next. They'd bring the baby to your side and lay her on your belly, then someone would cut the cord and you'd see your declared baby girl with your very own eyes looking into her very own eyes. But, this is not what happens, nobody brings her to you at all! A nurse bundles her out of there with not but a peek at her blanket on the way out.