A Blue-Sky Sunny Morning: Redwood City, California 1969

It is a blue-sky sunny morning when you arrive at Sequoia Hospital. The wheelchair seems a bit much, but the attendant made it very clear this was protocol. Pat walked alongside you with David and Bruce no doubt behind you, you don't care. You finally feel safe, as safe as a girl who understands clearly that she will be on her own with this baby she is about to have. As safe as a girl can feel when she is just nineteen and having her first child with little experience or knowledge. You are grateful for the babysitting jobs you had all those years with the little babies. 

Pat is quiet and efficient and caring. Pat could make you the center of the moment. David on the other hand, wants your attention. He is in your face with that drunken look of shame and the attempt to hide it in swimmingly saccharine red eyes. You are furious. This is the boy who begged you to marry him. This is the boy who begged you every day to have a baby, he cried he wanted a baby so much. And this is the boy you married and trusted who left you on your own. What if Pat hadn't come? You are so angry you push his grabbing hand and tell him not to touch you. 

Pat made David wait outside and helped you with your gown. When you are as settled as one can get in the early stages of birth, she asks you if you want David in the room and you didn't, not all, but it didn't seem fair and you did still care about that. Hesitantly, you say yes and he swoops in as though all is finally right. He crys, he apologizes, he bestows your hands and head with kisses, like a prince. All the while leaning in on you to do so. You are not happy about this in any way. Mad anew at his crying and apologizing and touching and completely ignoring that you are in the midst of roiling contractions, you snap at him, do not touch me, it hurts. He sits back in his chair by the bed. Watching you struggle through contractions, he forgets. His fear rising, he paws at your arm giving comfort to whom you did not know. You give him the meanest look you can muster and whisper leave me alone. He bursts into another bout of tears and drags his hungover stoned ass out of the room.